Lately I am going through a major phase of Introspection. A book I am reading has forced me to consider and re-consider the dynamics of my own thought process. I am reading the Biography of Albert Ellis, who happens to be a renowned Psychologist and the genesis of REBT – Rational Emotive Behaviour Theory/ therapy (not sure).
Life has always been a puzzle, a mystery….an unsolved problem for me. After reading the good old Linda Goodman’s book on Zodiacs….it seems that all the mess comes very naturally to an Aquarian like me. We like to analyse and detect and solve the mystery of other people. Even ending up “Untangling” their problems as efficiently as miserably failing to solve ones own.
I have realized that I even spend time judging, analyzing and sometimes (most of the times) criticising my own actions (and inactions). I then realized (very recently) that I need to stop doing this to others and more so over to myself. Like my best friend says “Anushree, go with the flow”. Yeah! True….why worry about the consequences? They can be good or bad.
And I truly need to try things out…commit a few mistakes…learn and accept them as they come (and go). I don’t need to get petrified and terrified and stupefied by every small error I commit (unintentionally though). Then I have heard and seen of the errors made intentionally… appropriately called “stupid things done for the heck of trying” (like occasional flirting, trying vodka, breezer and a smoke for starters). Whats the harm, if I know when to start, stop, hide and say bye. Well the best part I learnt about it is “you are not guilty of any wrongdoings unless you get caught”. I learnt to stop catching myself and putting me through the rigorous regime of judgement, where of course I am the judge, the witness and the convict.
We all are so very like bounded individuals …restricted by the rules of society, culture, traditions, community – like the zombies I saw in the movies the other day. Its too tiring and taxing to remember the whole list of “to do” and “not to do”. The simple formula I have come across is be yourself …be so comfortable in your own skin that anything and everything you do justifies the cause (in your own mind and in the eyes of others) and is (with highest possible probability of the given situation) harmless to others. That goes without saying that ultimately “Sorry boss! I cannot please everyone.”
I had come across the theory of Assertiveness being the balance or the midpoint between Submissiveness and Aggressiveness. Its amazing how with time, newer people and experiences you redefine these terms in a new light. It suddenly starts making more sense and is so appealing. Its like finding and opening your own treasure box…knowing all the while….where it lied unnoticed.
And yes its cool (sometimes marginally ok) to be totally stupid and foolish. Whats the fun of being the “miss goody two legs” all the time. After all you tell the dead from the ones alive….when you see it moving…something “happening”.
With all the blah blah…I come to the end of my blog. I am planning to stay all by myself…. Try newer clothes, style…new activities, new job…new people at a new location. Let me stumble upon something new that jumbles me up….till then adios.
P.S. Trying my hands on urdu-hindi shayari and rekindling my interest in drawing and painting…. cooking and exclusively decorating just about anything.
